The Hardest Part Is: Attitude

When I read Yarnharlot blog today, as for me being deaf person~ I can't go to the retreat in Washington to be with the knitters and in the classes. This is cost about $1,500.00 per person. I can't afford for an interpreter! I did asked them for an interpreter, they don't answer me back that which it is hurtful. I don't know what to do. I have been always hate being DA person~ deaf. I hate it! When I was a little girl, I cried and cried and begged my parents for fix my ears so I can hear it. So the doctors said that it's won't working on me because I am so heavy die-hard deaf. I asked my parents why am I deaf? Why didn't Justin nor Jake become deaf?!? They don't know why. I was just born that way. If I were never deaf, I will never have met my husband. Being hearing would be MUCH easier life. It's so hard, I have to rely on my kids for the noise. I am nervous about my future when the kids are move out of my house. So I am hoping that the pet(s) will help me in the future. And one another is: I really want to go to Rhinebeck in upstate New York for wool festival fair. But who will interpreter for me and my husband? Yeah, that. I could take my daughter with me for this retreat and fairs so she can interpreter for me, maybe? Some of the people said: You can do it. You can do anything like hearing people do. For me, yeah right! Examples? You betcha. A pilot? An operator? An interpreter? Be secretary for President of United State? An army? Be teacher? An actress? A train driver? Taxi driver? Be CEO? A doctor? A dentist? You name it! I did wanted to be a teacher for elementary school (No, not for deaf schools, you see them almost everywhere, even in deaf community) that closer to my house. These above of the lists that are requirement to use headset, voice to talk, use telephone, etc that what deaf people CANNOT do! Some of the people said to me: You are so lucky, You are blessing, something like that~ No, I am not lucky person. I can't do what hearing people do. Get reality, you guys! (I am afraid of the polices, they usually yell at you and I couldn't hear it then they will shoot at me and I die!) There you go, that's why I don't social, party, go out in the city. That's why I REFUSE to get a job. I prefer to stay home. Etsy is good small job for me. So that one way how I got depression in my life.

What about family? Well, that is hard too. When I want to be involved, I always tap, tap, tap harder at my parents' shoulders to interpret for me. Sometimes they said no. Even in the theatre. I stopped go to the theatre a long time ago. So that how I started to knitting in my life when I am in full of hearing people around me. Derek's mother hates me when I do that, she said that it's not nice in front of her when we have family party or something like that. It's hurt me because she DOESN'T know how to be deaf and never has been in my shoes life. So I ignored her and go on knitting.

What about deaf community? Well, sometimes I wanted to met the new friends that are live closer to me than drive 100 miles away just for two hours party. Examples? You betcha. A short moment of chat with a stranger person in store, talk to the neighbors, talk to the companies who fixed my house, you name it. Sometimes I don't want to talk to the deaf people because they changed, they move, bad gossips/news, etc. I even don't have a best friend(always talk to each other everyday, always help each other, rely on each other, etc.)

What about my husband, Derek? Haha, I fucking LOVE him! That's one reason why I wanted to marry a deaf man so he knows how I feel. Both of us know who are our deaf friends/people and deaf community. Marrying him is the BEST thing of my life. Examples? You betcha. I don't have to be left out if he is hearing and talking to the people, go to the theatre, I make a lot of noises in the house, I don't want him to hear my farts, hear the music, talk to the stranger people in the store, I hate one simple sentence what hearing people talk about like they talk for 15 minutes~ one simple sentence is not 15 minutes worth of talk. I hate summary stories at the campfire, party, theatre, etc.

There you go. It's not easy, simple life. (I couldn't hear a fire alarm and carbon monoxide alarm, door ring bell, telephone rings, oven dings, laundry dings, my kids turned so higher volume on the TV up to 80 volume number~ that's loud and I was embarrassed front of the neighbors, yes they can hear from it)

It's so hard part of is attitude in the lifehood. I have to put a fake smile on my face for public and always said "I'm fine".

I am thankful for knitting that is existing and in my life.

No, I didn't finish a purple owl hat for Emma. Wrap is still in processing.